Where to Next?

Where do you want to go next? Since you won’t be around for it, why should you care? Well, someone is going to have to dispose of your earthly remains, whether you plan for it or not. So it seems only right that you should let them know how you expect them to deal with it. Of course you’ll be gone, so they do ot have to follow your instructions, but at least you’ve relieved them of the responsibility of guessing what you might have wanted.

Growing up, I knew little about death. Like other unpleasant things in life, it was never discussed. But I did know that when a person died, people gathered, they looked at the dead body, a leader spoke some words, and then they all went to the graveyard to deposit the deceased person, inside a big, fancy wooden box, into a deep hole in the ground. Not a great training for dealing with death as a responsible person. By the time I had to personally deal with such details and decisions, I had known people who had elected to be cremated, turned into compost to grow trees, aquamated, and various other methods. I made the decision for my loved one, based on his stated desires, to have his remains cremated and then to bury his ashes at sea. There was enough ceremony to it to feel it was a way to remember and honor him, without filling a room with dead flowers and staring at his body. I expect my people will do something similar for me, unless in the meantime, they come up with a better idea. I am perfectly happy with the idea of being buried in the Atlantic Ocean, where anyone who wants to can wave goodbye to me from whatever shore they happen to be on.

So my son and I visited a local, historic graveyard yesterday. We were interested in the history, figuring out who they were and what their significance had been back in the day in my town. But it felt sad, realizing that after a certain amount of time, the words on the stone monuments become blurred and there is usually nobody around any longer to leave pretty flowers and say a few words on special occasions. I like the idea of friends and family saying goodbye and letting me float off to sea, rather than putting me in the ground with a piece of hard, cold stone marking for site – until it’s not.